What Your Garden Says: Part 3 “The Vampire” and other Garden Characters

Garden Character like a fine wine.

Garden Character like a fine wine.

My previous posts about just what your garden tells the world about your habits and the deeper underpinnings of your psyche have sparked some very entertaining comments (lookin’ at you, Lizard100). This brought to my attention something that every community gardener or even community dweller is familiar with, the art of giving mildly offensive yet utterly appropriate nicknames to your garden neighbors.

We encounter all kinds of wonderful people at the garden, each of them with personality, charming and quirky. I will share some of the characters I’ve encountered in hopes that you will all share some of the gems from your hours in the gardens of the world.

1. The Vigilante: my current plot is right next to this community garden’s Vigilante. A Vigilante can be a man or a woman as the quest for garden justice knows no bounds. My current Vigilante has very strong opinions about how, when and where to plant things. She lives across the street from the plots and works in hers every day, sometimes twice a day. She took the time to add some ornamentals to any unused plots over the winter because, well, they just needed to look better. She also makes it her business to know what everyone has planted and how often they check on said plants. But, as with all vigilantes, this brussel sprout Batman can be a little heavy handed. Through her Family Circus-esque romps through other plots in the name of plant defense, she has muddied, smashed and possible “transplanted against their will” many a seedling. The Vigilante has definitely saved some neglected veggies in her time, but she has definitely unwittingly put a few beneath the boot, as well.

2. Field of Dreams(FOD): The FOD is so full of garden madness that they churn up great swaths of earth, ripping and tilling with gas powered tillers and great clouds of industrial soil amendments. FOD is ready with great big bags of seed and lays out industrious, over-planted rows, all primed to feed hungry families and then fill a cellar with preserves…and then FOD is gone…absentee gardening for the rest of the season. FOD doesn’t harvest. FOD barely waters. Crop ripeness comes, and crop ripeness goes, FOD is nowhere to be seen. FOD’s garden is a great study in which crops can reseed themselves and which plants are most drought hardy or adapted to the local climate, since water and picking aren’t something FOD excels at. FOD doesn’t do it for the produce, FOD is in it for the love of the game.

3. The Vampire: (as recounted by Lizard100) A mysterious gardener with an immaculate, weed free garden plot with strawberries planted in a perfect checkerboard pattern. In this sandy garden, The Vampire leaves no tracks and has never been seen by the neighbors. Garden mystery at it’s finest.

So, dear Readers, please share your own Garden characters in the comment sections below, I would love to hear about the characters that color your garden plots, as well.

Please, share. Do it if only for this sexy pipe-smoking garden gnome.

Garden Character like a fine wine.

Garden Character like a fine wine.


About ERay

Capoeirista, Gardener, and Development Practitioner but a cowboy way down deep.
This entry was posted in Garden. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to What Your Garden Says: Part 3 “The Vampire” and other Garden Characters

  1. lizard100 says:

    Thanks for the mentions! Another neighbour has the most exotic permanently green haven. There is no structure or pattern. Her garden is a patchwork quilt with veg and flowers all together. She’s the hoarder. No plant is unwelcome!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lizard100 says:

    I’ve been picking this one over since you wrote it and came up with some more down at ours.

    We have the ‘builder’ who apparently sees unwanted brickwork the way done of us see misshapen unfortunate green things. In fact it’s rare that he has anything growing on his plot. There are structures and paving patterns and all manner of construction but I guess the green stuff would ruin the affect.

    Similar to the ‘Vigilante’ we have the dominatrix. Her tactic is to give you advice and plants you don’t need and judgement of your plot plans that is also unwelcome. If your lucky the gift is an invasive species that will become rampant overnight.

    Then there’s ‘Tarzan’ (the ‘builder’ gave him this name recently!) ‘Tarzan is young and physical. He digs. Then he redigs. Then he digs again. Commonly barefoot and shirtless even in spring. At other times he wears Dutch clogs. His skin is like shoe polish from all the exposure.

    I may have to write my own post about this!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: How does your garden grow? | Green Lizard's Blog

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